Friday, Oct. 17, 2008
Mom On the Street
We all know that honesty is supposed to be the best policy, but is there ever a time when it’s OK to tell your child a little white lie?
On a recent shopping trip with a friend and her 6-year-old son, I found myself caught in the middle as she told a fib to her son.
For purposes of this column let’s say the boy’s name is Johnny.
Johnny came across a Transformers’ Bumblebee robot figure that changes into a Camaro and responds to music with lights and sounds, a toy any 6-year-old would love. His mom wasn’t about to shell out $60 on a whim that day, so instead of explaining to her son why he couldn’t have it, which she knew would have triggered an embarrassing meltdown, she took the easy way out: She lied.
"That’s for big boys 10 and older," she said, even though the box stated ages 5 and up. "They won’t let us buy it. You’re still too young."
Like being carded to buy alcohol at the store, she in effect told little Johnny that he wouldn’t be allowed to leave the store with the toy, and Johnny bought in to it. No tantrum and no flustered mom. So, no problem, right?
Some parents tell their children little white lies such as this without blinking an eye, even though they preach the virtues of telling the truth.
Is such a lie really necessary?
Some parents feel that not telling the entire truth to kids in certain circumstances is harmless. After all, we’ve all gone the Tooth Fairy and Easter Bunny route.
This week, Mom on the Street asks if it’s OK to ever fib to your children?
Elizabeth Allen of Southlake said she believes that as long as parents don’t make a regular habit of telling kids little white lies, it’s no big deal.
"I think most parents have had to fib to their children every now and again. Too many lies over time, though, can make a child no longer trust your word," Allen said.
"Sometimes kids are more intelligent than we give them credit for. Parents just have to weigh the risks and benefits of telling a lie, but I don’t think little white lies now and then are wrong," she said.
Nancy Warner of Grapevine said she believes in telling her kids the truth, though she acknowledges this isn’t always easy.
"I try never to lie to my children. Sometimes I’ll even delay answering one of my kids until I’ve had time to think over what I’ll say. I believe a large part of building trust is to be there for them and to shoot straight with them whenever possible. I must admit, though, that sometimes a little stretch of the truth is necessary. For example, if my daughter is having a bad hair day and she asks if her hair looks good, I might tend to stretch the truth to spare her feelings," Warner admitted.
There’s no substitute for knowing your child, understanding their comprehension of the situation, and making the appropriate judgment call on whether it’s alright to stretch the truth in certain situations.
All the parenting advice we receive prompts us to always be truthful, but as most of us have experienced, sometimes honesty may not always be the best policy.
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