Friday, Oct. 10, 2008

Real Life

Cindy Ryan

Sarah Palin is causing me pain. I’m more of a feminist than anything else.

I’m a working mother. I juggle a career that is made more intense because it is also a calling. Like most moms I know, I struggle with the guilt of juggling life and kids.

The roughest times are when I’m pulled in both directions at once. I’ve weaved my way through big events at church when one of my children comes down with strep. I’ve struggled when the school play is at the exact time as the staff meeting. I’ve eased my way out of hospital rooms where someone was in their last few minutes of life because school was dismissing.

I’ve managed this for 20 years, with a great husband, wonderful relatives, two sets of grandparents and an awesome support system. We moms always feel torn and guilty, like we could do more. We sense how important we are to our children and it creates in us a conflict. We feel like that when we work, when we stay home, when we volunteer.

We feel like that in our sleep. It is just how it is. It is a dilemma, this mothering thing. We live with the pulling and tugging at our hearts and our time, all the time.

Bonnie Miller-McLemore writes, "No matter how a mother designs her life — whether she stays at home, works at home, works outside the home — most would admit that conflicts plague their attempts to resolve the questions of working and loving," (from Also a Mother: Work and Family as a Theological Dilemma).

This dilemma of ours crosses political lines and religious boundaries. It’s not about that. It is about knowing that children need their moms in a unique way.

Maybe it starts with the amazing bond of pregnancy and nursing, but it goes way beyond that. I can’t quite describe how mothering is different than fathering. I just know it is.

So, when I look at Sarah Palin, with her five children, including a pregnant teen and a special needs infant, I want to scream, "What are you thinking? Don’t you know how hard this is going to be on you and on your kids?"

An interviewer asked, "So Obama can have small kids and run a country but Sarah Palin can’t?"

For 20 years, I’ve fought for her right to do so. I believe deeply in the abilities of women. When I want to accomplish anything, big or small, I call on the sharpest women I know to help me do it.

Of course Sarah Palin can be vice president if she wants, but at how great a cost; at how great an inner conflict?

It’s not fair, but it is the dilemma of motherhood.

Dr. Cindy Ryan is a pastor and writer. Contact her at dr.cindy.ryan@tx.rr.com.